Ghosting- Pt. 1- The Pain

The phenomenon of “ghosting” (the act of disappearing without informing someone) has become commonplace in dating. No matter the reason for ghosting, negative repercussions for the rejected party will likely follow. Let us consider the impact.

                                                                                                                                Photo credit to Derick Anies

After a loss, we experience emotional pain while grieving (yes, grief occurs outside of death). Grieving is a big part of how we process breakups- we will grieve the loss of our relationship, and what we thought our future would look like with that person. Unfortunately, grief gets more complicated when we are ghosted.

Ambiguous loss/grief refers to circumstances without closure- a physical or psychological lack of resolution (Prewitt, 2022). Ghosting falls under the physical loss category. With physical ambiguous loss, a loved one is physically absent under uncertain terms, or there is a lack of contact (a psychological presence with physical absence) (Prewitt, 2022). This loss is so challenging to accept, because of the lack of closure. Humans desire closure because our brains are wired to understand and analyze our surroundings (Prewitt, 2022). A ghostee will likely feel like they are losing control of their stability, as without all the information, the mind attempts to fill in the unanswered questions (Prewitt, 2022). Prewitt also adds that ambiguous loss can feel like chronic trauma as those questions may never be answered (2022).

Research shows that emotional and physical pain exist along the same neural pathway (APA, 2020). This means rejection causes the same level of physical pain that injuries cause, as it activates the same region of the brain (APA, 2020). Being ghosted physically hurts us.

As we have learned, ghosting behaviors can be quite harmful to those on the receiving end, resulting in a lack of closure, feelings of losing control, physical pain, emotional pain, and even chronic trauma (APA, 2020 & Prewitt, 2022). For the readers who are no longer interested in their partner, be courageous, and let them know. For those who have been on the receiving end, do not pay it forward. Let us be the change we want to see in the world.

Yours always in authenticity,

Jody S.

References

American Psychological Association. (2020, February 12). What to do when you’ve been ghosted with Jennice Vilhauer, Phd. [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOQhtL0btcI&t=1s&ab_channel=AmericanPsychologicalAssociation

Prewitt, K. (2022, February 17). What ambiguous loss is and how to deal with it: A psychologist shares ways to cope with a lack of closure. Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/ambiguous-loss-and-grief/