I have an immense passion for normalizing mental health and wellness, and reducing the stigma that is often associated. Additionally, I am a huge advocate of encouraging self-compassion and love throughout one's mental health and wellness journey. While participating on my own adventure of personal growth, I became inspired to research, write, and share information with all of you. Life can be hard- please know you are not alone!
Read more below!
Preconditions to Couples Therapy
Before we can think about getting closer with our partner, we need to consider if there is untreated mental health concerns, self-medication or Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) present (Real, 2018).
Couples therapy is contraindicated by these concerns. We can imagine how difficult it would be to have respectful, meaningful conversations that impact change if we are not safe and able to focus in our relationships.
How Often Should I Attend Therapy?
Session attendance is greatly impacted by external factors such as insurance coverage, finances, childcare, work schedules, and stability of environment, which must be considered. As such, I always advise clients that they should decide what works best for them-weekly, monthly, or otherwise.
If you are wondering what the research says- higher session frequency results in quicker recovery (Ereksen et al., 2015). It has also been found that the time between sessions impact treatment outcome MORE than consistency of sessions (Gutner et al., 2016). Overall, faster improvement and recovery is associated with higher session frequency, particularly in the first 3 months of treatment (Schleider et al., 2021).
In closing, rest assured that while attending sessions more frequently has shown higher efficiency, your finances, scheduling, work/home stability, etc... do need to be considered. Life happens, and could impact your initial plans for therapy. Stay in communication with your counsellor and let them know how they can best support you.
Criteria for Trustworthiness
Is it safe to trust?
We may never know for certain, but there are 5 criteria created by Dr. John Gottman that may help us feel more confident in our decisions. Consider the information and evaluate your interpersonal relationships. Do those around you exhibit trustworthiness? Are YOU providing those closest to you with trust?
The Big Trust Question
Do they care about the emotional impact their behavior and actions have on you?
Ghosting- Pt. 4- Healing
We have learned about the physical and emotional pain caused by ghosting, destiny vs growth mindset, and why people feel the need to end relationships without communication. In our fourth and final post, we are discussing healing.
Healing is hard. If you have recently been ghosted, take some time to sit with your feelings and emotions and acknowledge them. How do we do this? A great way to process our thoughts, feelings, and behavior is through expressive writing. Expressive writing is more than simply journaling, and requires the participant to dedicate 15-20 minutes a day, for 3-4 days; This technique is specifically used for understanding and dealing with emotional upheaval (Pennebaker & Smith, 2016). Another benefit of writing is that it is a low-cost, low side-effect treatment and has even been found to reduce the number of sick days a person takes (Sohal et al., 2022).
Ghosting- Pt. 3- Why?
In our quest to seek closure, our minds run a mile a minute, attempting to figure out what happened, or “what we did wrong”. There are several reasons that an individual may choose to ghost someone they are dating.
We may be ghosted simply because it is easier for the other individual to go off the grid, than it is to have an uncomfortable conversation
Ghosting- Pt. 2- Growth Vs Destiny
Last week I asked our followers if they, or a loved one, had been ghosted, and alternatively, if they had ever ghosted anyone. Seventy-nine percent of those polled said they, or someone they know had been ghosted, while sixty-nine percent of those polled said they had also ghosted someone. This is in line with a recent study conducted by Navarro et al., which found that those who have been ghosted, also ghost others (2021). They also concluded that prior ghosting is related to intentions that support ghosting in the future (Navarro et al., 2021).
Also tied into ghosting, are two different relationship beliefs- destiny and growth. Those with a destiny mindset hold the idea soulmates exist-they are meant to be with a person, or they are not, focusing on attraction and “love at first sight” (Freedman et al., 2019). In these circumstances, they may also view the relationship as starting immediately, while individuals with a growth outlook believe that relationships evolve over time, and can improve with communication to overcome obstacles (Freedman et al., 2019).
Ghosting- Pt. 1- The Pain
The phenomenon of “ghosting” (the act of disappearing without informing someone) has become commonplace in dating. No matter the reason for ghosting, negative repercussions for the rejected party will likely follow. Let us consider the impact in this post.