Ghosting- Pt. 3- Why?
Photo Credit to Hugh Han
Previously we learned ghosting physically causes a person pain (APA, 2020). In our quest to seek closure, our minds run a mile a minute, attempting to figure out what happened, or “what we did wrong”.
Reasons for Ghosting:
1. We may be ghosted simply because it is easier for the other individual to go off the grid, than it is to have an uncomfortable conversation (APA, 2020). DiDonato supports this notion, reminding us that direct conversations feel unpleasant- requiring time, energy and the regulation of emotions (2021).
2. Ironically, the ghoster may wish to protect the other party from the rejection and hurt feelings that may result from speaking directly (Timmermans et al., 2020, as cited in DiDonato, 2021).
3. An individual may also feel insulted or off-putt from an undesirable interaction and again not wish to participate in a direct conversation (DiDonato, 2021).
4. Additionally, feelings of attraction may disintegrate due to boredom (DiDonato, 2021) or interest in someone else.
5. A person may not feel obligated to end a short-term relationship directly, feeling a low level of commitment and closeness (LeFebvre et al., 2019, as cited in DiDonato, 2021).
6. One good justification for ghosting is for safety purposes. Abusive relationships involving emotional, physical or financial abuse can be dangerous to leave-it may be critical to ghost in order to prevent contact of any kind after the fact (APA, 2020).
Of course, this is not an exhaustive list of reasons that ghosting may occur and in many cases, we may never uncover why it happened to us. It is important to remember that while being on the receiving end can feel devastating, it does not diminish your worth as a person. You have many wonderful attributes. Just as you will not care for everyone, not everyone will care for you- and that is okay.
Yours always in authenticity,
Jody
References
American Psychological Association. (2020, February 12). What to do when you’ve been ghosted with Jennice Vilhauer, Phd. [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOQhtL0btcI&t=1s&ab_channel=AmericanPsychologicalAssociation
DiDonato, T. (2021, November 29). 4 Reasons why people ghost... and how personality predicts who's most likely to do it. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/202111/4-reasons-why-people-ghost