I have an immense passion for normalizing mental health and wellness, and reducing the stigma that is often associated. Additionally, I am a huge advocate of encouraging self-compassion and love throughout one's mental health and wellness journey. While participating on my own adventure of personal growth, I became inspired to research, write, and share information with all of you. Life can be hard- please know you are not alone!
Read more below!
A Shame-Sensitive Approach to Therapy
There are three major concepts of a shame sensitive approach to therapy:
1) Shame is inevitable (just like trauma);
2) Shame is unpleasant, and because of this, many people avoid it (to a detriment); and
3) Service providers need to respond appropriately to clients shame to mitigate negative impacts and retraumatization (Dolezal & Gibson, 2022).
Shame and its Impact on Mental Health
Experiencing shame can bring up feelings of rejection, inadequacy, inferiority, disrespect, worthlessness, insignificance, failure and even disgrace (Gilligan, 2003, as cited in Dolezal & Gibson, 2022). It is no wonder then, that such a powerful emotion plays a major role and presence after trauma has occurred (Dolezal & Gibson, 2022).
Shame kills our capacity to experience positive emotions
-Ruth Lanius
Shame is an important topic related to mental health but it is not all doom and gloom. We must remember that all emotions, including shame are unavoidable in our lives (Dolezal & Gibson, 2022). Additionally, healthy shame does exist and can act as a very effective stimulus for change in one's life (Dolezal & Gibson, 2022).
Healing Trauma with EMDR: Understanding How Unresolved Wounds Affect Our Mind and Body Today
The past is the present- Our mind and body is intertwined.
Previous traumatic memories and experiences are stored within us and may influence our current self, whether we recognize it or not. These old memories impact our daily life in the way of our thoughts, feelings, actions, and behaviours. These responses may not always seem appropriate. Our bodies and minds may not realize we are in the present day, and we are still reacting to "old stuff" to keep us safe. When this happens, our neural networks may have become blocked, preventing natural healing processes.
Preconditions to Couples Therapy
Before we can think about getting closer with our partner, we need to consider if there is untreated mental health concerns, self-medication or Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) present (Real, 2018).
Couples therapy is contraindicated by these concerns. We can imagine how difficult it would be to have respectful, meaningful conversations that impact change if we are not safe and able to focus in our relationships.
Trauma-Informed Care (TIC)
This blog post aims to help readers understand the terms “trauma-informed” or “trauma-informed care” (TIC), terms frequently used in the world of therapy. Although these terms are common, they are not regulated or protected, meaning anyone can claim to be trauma-informed. This post will assist clients in choosing a mental health professional who truly offers TIC.
An educated trauma informed therapist offers safety, evidence based treatment, empowerment, and a strengths-based approach to their clients. This approach includes a collaborative journey of resilience, healing, and the promotion of reconnection and integration. One who offers TIC assumes the client has likely experienced trauma (often under reported and recognized), which impacts how they are served (Engle, 2023).
The Stages of Trauma Recovery
1) Safety and Stabilization
This stage is about understanding and overcoming dysregulation. We will learn how symptoms present, begin to understand traumatic reminders, triggered experiences, and cognitive distortions (Janet & Herman, as cited by Fisher, n.d.).
2) Processing
In order to metabolize trauma, evidence based treatments should be utilized. The client must have the ability to stay in their window of tolerance for processing to be effective-otherwise they may become overwhelmed or attempt to avoid the pain, memories, and flashbacks (Janet & Herman, as cited by Fisher, n.d.).
Criteria for Trustworthiness
Is it safe to trust?
We may never know for certain, but there are 5 criteria created by Dr. John Gottman that may help us feel more confident in our decisions. Consider the information and evaluate your interpersonal relationships. Do those around you exhibit trustworthiness? Are YOU providing those closest to you with trust?
The Big Trust Question
Do they care about the emotional impact their behavior and actions have on you?
Ghosting- Pt. 4- Healing
We have learned about the physical and emotional pain caused by ghosting, destiny vs growth mindset, and why people feel the need to end relationships without communication. In our fourth and final post, we are discussing healing.
Healing is hard. If you have recently been ghosted, take some time to sit with your feelings and emotions and acknowledge them. How do we do this? A great way to process our thoughts, feelings, and behavior is through expressive writing. Expressive writing is more than simply journaling, and requires the participant to dedicate 15-20 minutes a day, for 3-4 days; This technique is specifically used for understanding and dealing with emotional upheaval (Pennebaker & Smith, 2016). Another benefit of writing is that it is a low-cost, low side-effect treatment and has even been found to reduce the number of sick days a person takes (Sohal et al., 2022).
Ghosting- Pt. 3- Why?
In our quest to seek closure, our minds run a mile a minute, attempting to figure out what happened, or “what we did wrong”. There are several reasons that an individual may choose to ghost someone they are dating.
We may be ghosted simply because it is easier for the other individual to go off the grid, than it is to have an uncomfortable conversation
Ghosting- Pt. 2- Growth Vs Destiny
Last week I asked our followers if they, or a loved one, had been ghosted, and alternatively, if they had ever ghosted anyone. Seventy-nine percent of those polled said they, or someone they know had been ghosted, while sixty-nine percent of those polled said they had also ghosted someone. This is in line with a recent study conducted by Navarro et al., which found that those who have been ghosted, also ghost others (2021). They also concluded that prior ghosting is related to intentions that support ghosting in the future (Navarro et al., 2021).
Also tied into ghosting, are two different relationship beliefs- destiny and growth. Those with a destiny mindset hold the idea soulmates exist-they are meant to be with a person, or they are not, focusing on attraction and “love at first sight” (Freedman et al., 2019). In these circumstances, they may also view the relationship as starting immediately, while individuals with a growth outlook believe that relationships evolve over time, and can improve with communication to overcome obstacles (Freedman et al., 2019).
Ghosting- Pt. 1- The Pain
The phenomenon of “ghosting” (the act of disappearing without informing someone) has become commonplace in dating. No matter the reason for ghosting, negative repercussions for the rejected party will likely follow. Let us consider the impact in this post.