Criteria for Trustworthiness

                                                                                                                                       Photo by Shyam Mishra

Is it safe to trust?

We may never know for certain if we can trust our partner, but there are five criteria created by Dr. John Gottman that may help us feel more confident in our decisions. Consider the information and evaluate your interpersonal relationships. Do those around you exhibit trustworthiness? Are YOU providing those closest to you with trust?

The Five Criteria for Trustworthiness

1. Honesty

2. Transparency

3. Accountability

4. Ethical Actions

5. Proof of Alliance

Honesty

• Do they lie?

• Do they excuse their lies?

• If they lie to others, they will likely lie to you.

If you are consistently questioning the truth of an individuals words, it may be best to move on from the relationship (Gottman, 2011)

Transparency

• Your intimate partner (specifically) should be an open book.

This means there are no secrets, and past lives and relationships, money, jobs, friends and family are up for discussion (Gottman, 2011)

Accountability

• Do they do what they say they will do?

• Do they apologize and take responsibility for their behaviors?

In healthy relationships, people are accountable to each other because they care about the other’s well being (Gottman, 2011)

Mutual accountability is important.

Ethical Actions

• Do you share the same beliefs and morals about honesty?

• Do they conduct themselves in accordance with the agreed upon ethical standards?

If the answer is no, it may be a good idea to move on from the relationship (Gottman, 2011)

Proof of Alliance

• Do they have your back?

• Do they operate out of pure self interest?

• Do they form coalitions with others against you?

If they do not operate with your true interests at heart, they may be untrustworthy (Gottman, 2011).

The Big Trust Question

• Do they care about the emotional impact their behavior and actions have on you?

Reflect on the five criteria for trustworthiness and the big trust question. If you are unsure about the dynamics in your relationship, or would like some support, therapy may be a good option. Individual counselling, or even couples therapy may be helpful.

Yours always in authenticity,

Jody

References

Gottman, J. M. (2011). The science of trust: Emotional attunement for couples. W W Norton & Co.