Unhealthy Self-Esteem Styles
Photo by Taylor Smith
Self-esteem continues to pop up within my circle, so we will be doing a little further exploration into the topic. Our self-esteem impacts how we carry ourselves- our thoughts about ourselves impact our feelings, which can affect our personal and professional relationships. So what does this term mean? Terry Real defines self-esteem as “your capacity to recognize your worth and value, DESPITE your human flaws and weaknesses. Your value as a person isn’t earned; it isn’t conditional; it can’t be added to or subtracted from. Your essential worth is neither greater nor lesser than that of any other human being. It can’t be. Self-esteem is about being, not doing. You have worth simply because you’re alive.” Now that we understand what self-esteem means, let’s consider what unhealthy worth can look like.
Three Unhealthy Self-Esteem Styles:
Performance Based Self-Esteem: People with this style of self-esteem view their worth based on their accomplishments and would likely be viewed as a “workaholic” (Real, 2018).
Attribute Based Self-Esteem: Those with this type of self-esteem believe their value exists in what they have-cars, muscles, trophy wife/husband. Another example are parents who view their worth on their child’s success, believing it is attributed to themselves (Real, 2018).
“Other” Based Self-Esteem: With this type of self-esteem, an individual believes they have worth when others think they are worthy. This style is based on the approval of others, and extreme examples are love addiction and codependence (Real, 2018).
Do any of these resonate with you? I acknowledge that I can get tied up in performance based self-esteem, myself. You are not alone! If you are interested in learning more about unhealthy self-esteem, and how to cope, reach out to me for some individual counselling today.
Yours always in authenticity,
Jody
References
Real, T. (2018). Fierce Intimacy: Standing Up to One Another with Love. Sounds True; Unabridged edition