Ghosting- Pt. 2- Growth Vs Destiny
Last week I asked our followers on Instagram if they, or a loved one, had been ghosted, and alternatively, if they had ever ghosted anyone. Eighty percent of those polled said they, or someone they know had been ghosted, while sixty-nine percent of those polled said they had also ghosted someone. This is in line with a recent study conducted by Navarro et al., which found that those who have been ghosted, also ghost others (2021). They also concluded that prior ghosting is related to intentions that support ghosting in the future (Navarro et al., 2021).
Photo Credit to Thought Catalog
Also tied into ghosting, are two different relationship beliefs- destiny and growth. Those with a destiny mindset hold the idea soulmates exist-they are meant to be with a person, or they are not, focusing on attraction and “love at first sight” (Freedman et al., 2019). In these circumstances, they may also view the relationship as starting immediately, while individuals with a growth outlook believe that relationships evolve over time, and can improve with communication to overcome obstacles (Freedman et al., 2019).
According to Freedman et al., (2019) persons who believe in destiny, tend to have a positive outlook towards ghosting (2019). Destiny daters are more willing to utilize a hurtful relationship dissolution method like ghosting, and are not concerned with how the ghostee reacts because they don’t view them as an ideal fit, and are unlikely to remain friends (Freedman et al., 2019). Destiny theorists also tend to end relationships more quickly when they do not view their partner as “the one” (Freedman et al., 2019). I refer to this as “The Seinfeld effect”-cue breakups for potentially ridiculous reasons such as “man hands”, “opening a pickle jar naked”, and “not tasting the pie”.
In contrast, those with a growth mindset tend to feel negative about ghosting others (Freedman et al., 2019). Freedman et al. did find an exception, in that growth beliefs were associated with some level of ghosting acceptability, prior to a relationship-defining situation, such as physical intimacy (Freedman et al., 2019).
Did you reflect on your relationship beliefs after learning this information? Are you a destiny dater or a growth believer?
Yours always in authenticity,
Jody
References
Freedman, G., Powell, D. N., Le, B., & Williams, K. D. (2019). Ghosting and destiny: Implicit theories of relationships predict beliefs about ghosting. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(3), 905–924. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407517748791
Navarro, E,. Larrañaga, S., Yubero, B., & Víllora, B. (2021). Individual, interpersonal and relationship factors associated with ghosting intention and behaviors in adult relationships: Examining the associations over and above being a recipient of ghosting. Telematics Inform., 57 (2021), Article 101513, 10.1016/j.tele.2020.101513